QOTD: “Your mission is to replace your destiny.”

Another week gone, and I’m so damn tired. I’m in the middle of this pretty bad depressive episode and it’s been really restrictive on what I can and can’t do. Because of the more negative mindset that I might be trapped in, this feels a lot more like a week of failures than anything else, but I’m damn determined to carry on and do better this week.

I also have hope. Because for the first time in a long time, activity comes with a positive connotation- that stuff can be fun and enjoyable and that I just need to try. I want to believe, for once, that I’m going to be okay. Even in a fog of thoughts about the disposability of human lives as a result of an unforgiving society, I want to believe that I’m going to be okay.

It’s now more than ever that I’m grateful for the small support system that I know I have if or when I need it. After the fallout with my abuser, no one in those circles has reached out to say anything. So when it comes to actual friends, I would say those people I do stay in contact with are the only support system that I have left, and I cannot thank them enough for putting up with me.

What I Want To Achieve This Week

  • 1. I will complete creative work this week if it’s the last thing I do. I’ve been writing in my journal for the past fewI have so many thoughts to express through verse and prose, and a couple of fiction ideas in my head. They’re going to get out.
    • An idea that I’ve been mulling over in my head is an idea for practice in private, in order to cultivate my style. I’ve been thinking about rewriting the episodes of television I watch in a short story or novel form for me to evaluate what I’m doing right and wrong and what I can do better personally without having to rely on my own narrative. I don’t know if it would actually work, but I’d like to try.
  • 2. I’m going to exercise everyday and work on making my diet healthier with my cooking.
  • 3. I’m going to keep working on being kinder to myself and on continuing to build constructive habits in my personal and public lives.

Achievements Unlocked

  • I’ve been looking at a lot of housing listings, and my parents have given me the all-clear to make my final choice out of all the candidates.
  • I’m more motivated to complete my schoolwork and I think the quality’s increasing accordingly. Time management is still a major issue that makes everything hella difficult, but I’ll work on that for next week.
  • While I only completed one internship application this week, it was for a position I’m really passionate about and I’m really happy with how the application turned out.

Things I Haven’t Reached Yet

  • I still haven’t gotten an internship. (And now I have a ton of catch-up to do.)

 

And that is my weekly update. Hopefully, I’ll be back soon. Take care, everyone.

  • Daniel

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