It’s been 84 years since I last posted.)
Hello again, everyone.
It’s been around four and a half months since I last posted. You have my sincerest apologies for the radio silence since my last poem and status update, and the growingly larger absences I’ve had since I stopped regularly posting on The Oddity Writer awhile back.
The truth is that this blog was started as a portfolio site to help showcase my works and to help me get into college, but it quickly grew into something much more personal than that. During and in the years since the college application process, this blog gained a small following that I never thought was possible, and I am incredibly grateful for that.
Ultimately, I stopped posting here because I began to not have enough time to balance both the blog and my university work, and because writing as a whole stopped being fun and became much more like a chore. I was also growing dissatisfied with the quality of the material that I put on here (although, in retrospect, perhaps none of it was as FANTASTIC as I remember). As I started applying for internships and jobs, I also cringed at the prospect of employers or someone else finding and judging the writing and very intimate personal thoughts I put on here and grew afraid that it might limit my employment opportunities. I also still have and struggle with a lot of depression and social anxiety, that have also contributed to my lack of productivity, as well as some impostor syndrome. One really cool fellow writer, Ruben actually wrote an excellent post about impostor syndrome that I’ll post here if you’d like to learn more.
I’ve also been grappling with a lot of crap in my personal life. Over the past two years, I’ve been trying to confront my many flaws and to work on correcting them, and I like to think that I’ve emerged a much better person when I started. However, because of my shitty mental health, although my problems are far less severe than those of others, life still isn’t exactly a cake walk.
So here’s what I’ve been trying to do recently.
I recently came across a creator by the name of Dottie James who’s been trying to change her life in 365 days, and I’ve been trying to follow her model of change.
I’ve set myself up with Big To-Dos (fixing my sleep schedule, writing regularly and finishing my current works-in-progress, finding a place to live that is my own, taking time for my mental health), Weekly To-Dos (primarily to do with cooking and writing regularly), and Daily To-Dos (i.e. exercising regularly and keeping up and getting ahead with my schoolwork).
And in going back to my roots, I’ve decided to use my blog again to provide myself with a record of my journey through life and to keep myself accountable as I embark on this regimen.
And with that, here’s your progress report, ladies, gentlemen and other configurations of being.
On my first week, while it was a struggle, I completed my schoolwork at the time that I set for myself, I spent less time in the library and I went to bed earlier than I often have this year, and took time to take care of myself.
Most importantly, I finally severed what was a very unhealthy and abusive relationship. After six years of excusing physical abuse (like when I was held up against a wall as my own property was deface) and verbal abuse (being told to my face that my opinion was completely wrong, and that I should not have argued for it), it’s finally over. And despite still struggling with a lot of other issues, I’m proud to have finally let go of this toxic relationship.
However, I failed to write something or to complete creative activities like I wanted to, and I failed to be as productive as I wanted to. And in this coming week, my efforts will go towards being more productive on the creative front and on doing more with my day to make the most of it without stressing myself too far.
Wish me luck.